Finding Meaning
My framework for a living a purposeful life
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about purpose and meaning recently. I suppose these are the kinds of things you do after you turn 40.
Around that milestone, I began to examine my life as a whole. Realizing that I was at or close to the halfway point, I started to think about life a bit more deeply. After experiencing one myself, I can confirm that mid-life crises are a thing.
I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, imposter syndrome, and probably other things I haven’t yet pinpointed. Steven Pressfield has eloquently coined this The Resistance, which aptly describes much of what I am battling in my head on a regular basis.
I won’t discuss those challenges in depth—that’s a topic for another post. Nevertheless, the past few years have been a long and meaningful journey as I have learned to work through my own issues.
I have noticed that the issues above have amplified whenever I lacked clarity in my purpose. In this post, I will try to articulate the steps I have taken and the habits I’ve incorporated to life a more fulfilled life.
Before I get into it, here’s a little disclaimer. I am not suggesting that the approach I outline below will work for everyone. The way to find your path in life is unique for everyone. However, I do believe the framework I outline can be a good starting point in your own quests for meaning and self-actualization.
To summarize my life philosophy simply, I believe it’s about the process. Life is most meaningful when you maximize your journey, not when you only focus on chasing goals.
That is not to say that you shouldn’t have goals. I have plenty of my own and believe they are critical to progress. But goals can’t be all that drives you. If they are, you’re likely to find you’re no happier when you reach them. For most people, the satisfaction wears off quickly, and they have moved on to the next goal.
In my opinion, true purpose and meaning come from trying to be the best version of myself that I can be. It comes down to working on myself and continuously trying to get better every day.
To do that, I have implemented a set of self-care habits and principles that I try to live by. This framework has given me more fulfillment in my life, and I’m able to keep my actions in line with my core virtues.
I’ve organized these practices into the following areas:
Mind — Intellectual Pursuits and Knowledge
Body — General Health and Fitness
Soul — Relationships and Philosophy
All three of these pillars are equally important and interrelated. Just as a three-legged stool can’t stand without one leg, this system collapses if one of these areas is neglected.
For the rest of this post, I will describe each of these three areas, why they are important to nurture, and the daily practices that work for me. By sharing this broadly, I hope anyone reading can draw inspiration as they seek to improve their own lives.
Mind
Henry Adams, a famous historian and descendent of founding father John Adams, once said, “The only way to keep up [in the world] is to self-educate, to wander, to observe, to read, to ask, to determine an individual path through the ever-expanding forest of knowledge.”
We are curious beings. Taking care of our minds is a critical endeavor. We can feed our brains with more wisdom by gaining knowledge and satisfying intellectual pursuits.
But what does that mean? And how does one do it?
There is no single answer that applies to everyone. Instead, I think this means that everyone should follow their curiosities. While there are many ways to do so, I think the best way is to read a lot.
Reading has somewhat fallen by the wayside over the years. As we’ve evolved into a more digital society, reading books has become more of an exception than a rule. Many people consume content through videos on YouTube or short clips on TikTok. Don’t get me wrong — I love YouTube. I think it’s a great medium to learn many new things. But in my opinion, it should be a supplement to reading, not a replacement.
Books were not prominent in my household during my childhood. My parents aren’t avid readers. However, I learned to read at a very young age and was an early bookworm. Our house wasn’t filled with books, so I read what we did have. I have early memories of reading our encyclopedia as a young boy, filling my brain with countless facts in my head that I’ve since forgotten. What 7-year-old do you know who can recite all of the presidents? I could. That’s because I spent a lot of my time reading.
As I grew older, I oscillated, falling into and out of love with reading on multiple occasions. I became more interested in playing sports and chasing girls in high school and college, and my reading habits suffered. I picked it back up in my 20s to pass the time while commuting to and from work on the DC metro before smartphones ultimately replaced it.
On a quick tangent, I was recently on the DC Metro and noticed everyone on their iPhone. I miss the days when people read newspapers and books instead of playing free games with ads on their iPhones.
In 2023, I made a concerted effort to increase my reading habit. For the prior 10 years or so, I read about 10-15 books per year. But last year, I set a goal to read 24 books — two per month.
The funny thing was that as I started prioritizing reading, I found myself wanting to learn more. I hit my goal and reached my 24th book in July. Afterward, I increased my goal to 40. After reaching that mark in November, I upped it again to 50, ultimately finishing the year having read 53 books. I’ve since set my 2024 goal at 60, hoping to eclipse it. I’m on track to hit it after finishing my 39th book of the year last week.
I’ve noticed that my intellectual curiosity has exploded in all aspects of life. I record passages I like from these books (like that Henry Adams quote earlier) in case I want to reference them elsewhere. Through this note-taking process, I have developed connections with projects that I’m working on or concepts I am contemplating. It has helped to uncover answers to questions I never knew that I had. Ultimately, it has created much more fulfillment as I know I’m becoming more knowledgeable.
If you’re going to start your own reading practice, the first logical question is — what kind of books should I read? My answer to that is — anything you’re interested in!
Fiction or non-fiction? Self-help books or big idea books? Biographies or mysteries?
It doesn’t matter. Just start somewhere. If you read something and like it, follow it up with similar books from their Amazon pages or the sources that the author cited in the bibliographies.
If you start something and don’t like it, just quit. No one will fail you or make you write a book report. You’re doing this for yourself. For your entertainment. For your knowledge. So, focus on the things that you want to learn.
Keep up the YouTube habit if you like. Believe me, I do too. But make sure that you read. You might even find that books lead you to the better, more fulfilling areas of YouTube. I’ve gone down plenty of YouTube rabbit holes just because I want to learn more about the ideas I learned from reading a book.
Body
Three books I read over the last year included Edmund Morris’s three-part biography of Theodore Roosevelt. It’s the most incredible biography I’ve ever read, charting Roosevelt’s growth from childhood through his rise to the Presidency and beyond.
Teddy was a fascinating and active human being. He was an excellent boxer during his time at Harvard. He explored the Badlands through the Dakotas and beyond. He led his group of Rough Riders, winning a critical battle in Cuba during the Spanish-American war. After his time as President, he explored the safari of Africa and navigated the jungle and rivers of the Amazon.
But long before Roosevelt performed all of these amazing physical acts, he was a weak child riddled with asthma. While curious and yearning to explore the world, he physically couldn’t handle it. Roosevelt’s father sat him down and told him he’d have to work and train his body to achieve greater things.
And that’s what Teddy did. He devoted his teenage years to exercising and building strength. While his asthma never completely disappeared, he largely beat his ailments by transforming his body into a strength instead of a weakness. He turned himself into the powerful figure that’s visualized in pictures instead of the frail boy he was early in his life.
Our bodies are our vessels. They are what we need to move, to live. If we don’t treat our bodies well, it will be challenging to lead a good life. If you’ve ever been unhealthy at any given point in life, you can understand the negativity that comes along with it, both physically and mentally.
I’ll share a bit about my bouts of unhealthiness throughout my life.
As a child, I didn’t understand proper nutrition. I drank way too much soda, ate lots of candy, and lived on processed carbs like Pop-Tarts. Under different circumstances, I would have been an overweight kid. However, I was very active, playing sports year-round. I am also fortunate to have good genes, without any egregious obesity running through my family. So, I stayed in reasonable shape without paying much attention to my diet or fitness.
That all changed after graduating college. My system was in for a shock. Looking back, it’s obvious. I drank four or five sodas every day and lots of beer several nights a week. I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. I didn’t exercise very frequently. I spent most of my time working at a desk or sitting on a couch playing video games with my friends. After college, I gained a lot of weight, going from about 200 pounds my senior year to 240 pounds a couple of years later.
I hit a low point in 2005. My ex-girlfriend had just broken up with me. While I was somewhat depressed afterward, it was also the kick in the ass I needed. At that point, the reality that I was overweight and unhealthy hit me. While it had been a problem for a while, it was more serious that I was single.
So, I started taking my health (a little more) seriously. I bought a book, The Abs Diet. The advice in the book wasn’t cutting-edge—it was primarily recycled content from Men’s Health magazine articles. But at that point, anything that helped me eat better food and get myself moving would be a positive influence. Within a few months of hard work, I had dropped 25 pounds. I looked better, and more importantly, I felt better about myself.
I never returned completely to the terrible nutrition habits I had when I was 21, but over the next 20 years, I went up and down multiple times. I’d follow a strict eating and fitness regimen until I reached a point where I was satisfied with my appearance. Then, I stopped following it so strictly. Over time, complacency would set in, and I’d start slipping — I’d overheat, drink too much, and skip workouts. My weight started to creep up again until I reached a point where I finally had it — usually around 230 pounds. Then, I’d put myself back on a plan and repeat the cycle.
This kept me in reasonable shape for a while, but it wasn’t sustainable in the long term. As I have grown older, losing the weight has become more challenging with each cycle
Last year, after reading Peter Attia’s excellent book Outlive, I became more interested in longevity. After turning 40, I started thinking a lot more about my mortality. Now that I have two kids, the thought of dying is more real and scary than it was when I was in my 20s.
As such, I’ve begun to prioritize my physical well-being much more seriously. This means focusing on nutrition and strength.
Now, I’m hyper-focused on the specific foods and quantities I eat, tracking my caloric intake. I prioritize protein, aiming for 1g per pound of body weight to fuel muscle growth and/or maintenance. I choose to eat minimally processed foods—fruits, vegetables, rice, potatoes, meat, and healthy fats—while avoiding packaged goods.
On the fitness side, I maintain a regular training schedule, working out 4-6x per week. My exercises generally consist of strength training and calisthenics, trying to hit all muscles at least once throughout the week. Sometimes, I’ll add a day of interval or cardiovascular training to push my heart rate up and increase my lung capacity. I walk regularly, trying to reach at least 12K steps daily. And I prioritize mobility by stretching for at least 10 minutes in the morning, sometimes longer.
Finally, I prioritize my sleep. This has been the most impactful change I’ve made to my health and the first thing I’d recommend everyone do for themselves. I used to regularly stay up past midnight playing poker or video games. While this still happens occasionally, it’s the exception rather than the rule. I am usually in bed by 10:30 p.m., with the lights off by 11, netting 7-8 hours of sleep most nights.
The results have been amazing. I’m currently at the healthiest weight I’ve been at in years, and I feel amazing. I can run a mile without collapsing. When my alarm goes off at 7, I no longer hit snooze four times. Instead, I spring out of bed, ready to take our dog for a walk. I feel like I have infinite energy, and I can see that impact spilling over into the rest of my daily life.
I never want to return to my old habits. I’m aware of the periods of my life where I lapsed in the past and am trying to establish practices to prevent myself from slipping in the future. I’m convinced that my work here impacts the rest of my overall well-being.
Soul
I struggled to come up with the right word for this last section. After waffling for a few days, I eventually landed on calling it the soul.
The challenge is that it’s really hard to define the soul — it means so many different things to different people.
In my view, the soul is our inner compass. Unlike a detailed map that shows the entire landscape, the soul is a directional guide that helps us navigate our individual journeys through life.
Like the body or the mind, the soul needs nurturing to function properly. When our compass is broken, we travel the wrong way and head down suboptimal paths. As such, it is our duty to ourselves to provide as much care as possible to our souls.
But how does one exactly take care of the soul? For me, I have settled on three ways:
Philosophy
Family
Journaling
The first way in which I take care of my soul is philosophy.
Philosophy is a more recent addition to my life. Although I’m not a religious person, many of the core tenets of most major religions resonate with me. That is why I was so drawn to philosophy. Much like religion, philosophy provides a foundation for living a good life.
There are many schools of philosophy. From my limited reading of some ancient philosophers, I have found that each has many common threads. My best advice is to start reading some of the introductory texts and find what resonates with you.
I have been most drawn to Stoicism, an ancient philosophy founded in ~300 BC by Zeno in ancient Rome. The most famous stoics — Seneca, Epictetus, and the Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius — were several of many who practiced in ancient Roman times. Over the years, Stoicism has been practiced by many great men and women, from the founding fathers of Washington and Lincoln to modern war heroes like James Stockdale.
Stoicism's core virtues are Courage, Justice, Self-Discipline, and Wisdom. Practicing these virtues has helped me become a better person. They have helped me remember that I can only focus on the things I can control, which I need to constantly remind myself. Finally, the lessons from Stoicism have helped me become more present, tackle my anger issues, and improve in many areas of life.
The next area that keeps my soul working is time spent with my family.
I have been married to my wife for over 10 years. We have two amazing daughters, now 8 and 6 years old. They are everything to me and keep me centered.
I’ve found that the general moods of the four of us tend to correlate significantly. That means that I do have some influence on the overall moods of the rest of my family. If I am upbeat, positive, and present when I’m with them, an inherent spillover effect will raise their spirits, leading to us being closer and happier.
So, I have been working to prioritize positivity and presence when I’m with them. During the week, I shut my laptop down at 5 p.m. when they get home from after-school activities. From that time until after we put them to bed at 9 p.m., I try my best to avoid screens — my phone, iPad, or computer. Those four hours are family time, and it’s non-negotiable.
That is when I get to play board games or read books with my girls. We can goof around and play in our yard, giving our dog the zoomies as he tries to join in. I can be the best dad I can be to them. And as much of a positive influence that has on them, it is just as beneficial to my own well-being and happiness.
Finally, the last tool I use to take care of my soul is journaling.
I used to struggle with clutter in my brain. I’ve always been an overthinker, a curse I’ve passed on to my oldest daughter. I have spent countless nights lying awake in bed, retracing steps in my head about things I could or should have done differently. I would play out scenarios of things that might happen in the future.
That helped me in some situations. I was always well prepared. I rarely went into a situation without thinking about the consequences or what might happen, but it has also caused an incredible amount of stress and anxiety.
What has helped me manage this anxiety has been the practice of writing down my thoughts.
I tried and failed to start a journal multiple times. But what took me a long time to understand was that journaling doesn’t have to be a formal process. It’s simply the act of emptying your thoughts onto paper. It’s getting things out of your head so you don’t have to think about them, instead spending that time staying present in the moment.
I started with a simple practice last year — I bought The Daily Stoic, a one-page-per-day book of stoic quotes and analysis. I’d use that day’s quote as a prompt and write a few sentences of reflection about it. That’s all. It was a start, but I kept doing it.
Fast forward a year, and I’m still writing down a few thoughts a day. I’ve added three more daily books — The Daily Dad (also by Ryan Holiday), A Calendar of Wisdom by Leo Tolstoy, and The Daily Pressfield by Steven Pressfield.
Less frequently, I write more extended thoughts. Some of them — like this one — may end up being crafted into a blog post. The point is that I’m taking the things in my mind and getting them on paper. Or, in my case, on a computer screen. And that has a cleansing effect on my soul.
Putting it all together
Now that I’ve spent some time sharing what works for me, the next question becomes: How do you determine what’s best for you?
As I mentioned above, I believe the process is unique to each individual. There won’t be a one-size-fits-all approach that works for all. However, I think following the framework above is a good place to get started with self-experimentation if you’re unsure of where to begin.
Within each area, there’s a spectrum of how much one can do. I didn’t just start doing all these things right away; I built up these habits over time. So, if you’re trying to implement these in your life, starting small and realistically is important. A good place to begin is with one new habit you can commit to regularly. You can add or layer on more over time, but momentum always starts with taking that first step.
For the eager out there, my advice is to pick one thing from each category:
Stimulate your mind by taking a class, watching training videos, or learning a new skill.
Engage your body by eating healthier, taking a daily walk, or starting a gym habit.
Nurture your soul by having more deep conversations with friends, becoming more active in your community, or getting outside and exploring nature.
Try a new practice for a few weeks. If you like it, incorporate it into your routine. Then, try adding something else.
This should be a constant, never-ending series of experiments in which you try to become the best version of yourself.
Now, go get started. I’m going to continue on my own journey.
All the best,
-Lukich